I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
