My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
