I'm gonna have a badass scar
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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