He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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