this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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