what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
