i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'm just crazy horny about you
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
