i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
