This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
