did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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