dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
