I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
