when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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