so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
