Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
