so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
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