Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
