Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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