Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
