I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
