As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
