My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
