ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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