dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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