So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
