the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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