You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
