Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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