You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
