Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
