Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
where does the pee come out of this thing
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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