Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
