My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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