): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
This baby is an asshole
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
