im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
