I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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