How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
