i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
