I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
