Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
