Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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