when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
