chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
My bed smells like the plague
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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