is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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