Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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