Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
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That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
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I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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