I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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