That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
