So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Randomize
