good thing vaginas are great cup holders
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
