his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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