Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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