I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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