She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize