i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
