You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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