We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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