I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
