the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
