Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
