so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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