Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
