My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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