the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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