If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
