My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
how does that bad decision feel?
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