drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
