Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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