i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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