Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
