so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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